Obsession and Vulnerability are bedmates
This is going to be a silly, silly post so feel free to skip this one. But if you feel like going down nostalgia with me, stay a little while.
The Fellowship of the Ring movie came out in 2001. I was 12 years old, the same age my daughter is now and she is just as into her obsessions as I was.
I absolutely encourage that as much as I can.
Saying I was obsessed is an understatement. It was the foundation for the rest of my childhood fantasy worlds and adventures. The same can be said for Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone but I had already consumed the books in the previous years so that obsession was pretty cemented. But those were boys.
These…were men.
Brave, loyal and absolutely f’ing gorgeous. Come on. Orlando Bloom as Legolas??
How could any man be good enough for us EVER? I had posters of this fictional man, by the way, not even of the actor Orlando Bloom, of LEGOLAS, on my bedroom walls, in my locker at school, everywhere.
I wish I didn’t care if people knew if I was obsessed with something. At least in the way I did when I was 12. Somewhere along the way, my siblings, friends, classmates, society, the internet, someone, told me that being excited about things was cringe.
Unless it makes you money and suddenly it’s awesome to talk about all the time.
But if it’s not lucrative then it’s annoying, right? Or weird?
Heaven forbid.
Despite that we all know from experience that we’re happier doing things just for the hell of it, instead of trying to get money or recognition out of it. This is also something I’m still trying to figure out so if you have some tips uh…lemme know.
I adore and admire the people who live and love their obsessions out loud. I’m seeing it more and more, especially in millennials. The thing I’m learning, however, is that in order to have an obsession out loud, you have to educate yourself and in order to educate yourself, you have to read and explore and talk to people.
Well shit.
I’m not as good at that as I used to be. Plus, once burned, right?
I talked about committing to the bit in a previous post because when I decide to join a group that aligns with my current obsession, I commit. Hardcore, all the way.
You need a member in your board even though we’ve just met? I’m there!
You need an organizer for your event? I got you!
A performer in your show last minute? Sign me up!
What I forget every time I join these communities, though, is that diving in headfirst requires vulnerability because obsession requires vulnerability. When we latch onto something, we do so because we want to become part of that world. We want to be changed.
As we all sang recently - “For good.”
I miss being obsessed. I miss being headstrong and absolutely unwavering about what I love without being scared to talk about it or be part of the communities around it.
With the sweet, however, comes the sour.
Because not every community is safe to latch onto and not every member has this altruistic wish for connection and education or friendship. For whatever reason, whether it be ego, power struggles, creative differences, sexual misconduct (which unfortunately is a major issue in a lot of artistic communities) that vulnerability can sometimes lead to an ugly downfall. When we follow that obsession and trust the people in the community, friendships are made. Deep friendships. There are people I’m still friends with from communities I’ve long been severed from, but those people are the exception, not the rule. Most of the time when there is fallout, the entire group and ultimately the friendships go with it.
Vulnerability is shattered. Obsession is throttled. Now when I look back, it’s tainted by memories of disappointment and hurt.
So, how do I get past that? Unfortunately I know what the answer is and so do you:
Keep showing up.
Maybe with more discernment about who I put my trust in. Or compassion and patience. Being aware that I don’t always have the answer or know everything there is to know about said obsession. There’s always room to hone the knowledge or perfect the craft. Besides, we cannot control the actions of others no matter how hard we might try or how high we build up our walls.
If we want to see a real sunset, we have to go outside. Yeah, you might get bitten by an annoying bug sometimes but that’s just a small part of the beauty you can behold, right? I truly believe living our obsessions out loud without fear or self-judgement will eventually lead to the right community of people, even if it takes a little while. Obsession requires vulnerability. It means looking over our castle walls and seeing what’s really out there. Or better yet, leaving our castle altogether. But remember to take a sword and shield with you. Just in case.
Going back to where we started this journey, I want to end with one of my favorite quotes from The Hobbit, another one of my childhood fantasy favorites.
Tolkien wrote, “The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places. But still there is much that is fair. And though in all lands, love is now mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps, the greater.”
